This is not a “men vs women” conversation. This is about understanding the root cause of emotional insecurity among women. We often hear the phrase, “Aurat hi aurat ki dushman hoti hai” a woman is another woman’s enemy. But have we ever truly paused and asked why? Why does a woman sometimes become bitter toward another woman? Why does confidence in another woman trigger insecurity in some people? Why do some women feel uncomfortable around joyful, expressive, free-spirited women? I used to believe this phrase too at one point because society repeats it so casually that we accept it without questioning the deeper reason behind it. But now, I think differently. I do not think women are naturally against women. I think emotionally deprived women sometimes hurt other women. And there is a huge difference between the two.
Most women who constantly criticize, compare, compete, or feel threatened by other women are not simply “evil” or “jealous.” Many of them are carrying years of emotional starvation inside them starvation for love, appreciation, emotional safety, validation, reassurance, and support. And patriarchy is often the system that planted those insecurities in the first place. From a very young age, women are conditioned to compare themselves with other women constantly. Who looks better. Who cooks better. Who sacrifices more. Who is more “wife material.” Who is more desirable. Who is traditional enough yet modern enough. Who is more adjusting. Who is more lovable. This constant comparison quietly creates competition instead of sisterhood. Women are raised in environments where validation feels limited, as if only a few women deserve to be chosen, appreciated, loved, or valued properly. And when someone grows up emotionally deprived in such a system, insecurity slowly becomes a part of their identity. That is why a woman who never truly received love, appreciation, emotional reassurance, or support may start resenting women who are confident, joyful, emotionally fulfilled, or deeply loved by their husbands. Not because happy women are doing something wrong. But because happiness exposes emotional wounds.
Patriarchy also punishes women for freedom. A free-spirited woman is called characterless. A confident woman is called arrogant. An ambitious woman is called selfish. An emotionally expressive woman is called dramatic. Meanwhile, men displaying similar traits are often admired. And perhaps one of the saddest things patriarchy does is make women feel guilty for existing fully. Guilty for resting. Guilty for wanting more. Guilty for setting boundaries. Guilty for choosing themselves. Guilty for being happy without suffering first. That is why so many women lose themselves silently — not overnight, but slowly. Through years of conditioning, sacrifice, emotional neglect, and constantly shrinking themselves to fit into expectations they never created.
When a woman has been deprived of love, emotional safety, appreciation, or support for a very long time, joyful women can unknowingly become a trigger for her. Not because joy is wrong. But because joy highlights her own emptiness. A deeply unhappy or emotionally neglected woman often learns to survive by suppressing parts of herself. She stops laughing too loudly, dreaming too freely, expressing herself openly, or expecting too much from life because disappointment has taught her to emotionally become smaller. So when she sees a joyful woman a woman who is carefree, expressive, confident, playful, emotionally secure, and genuinely happy discomfort begins to grow inside her, especially if that joy comes from being deeply loved and emotionally supported. Because joyful women move differently. They are not constantly seeking approval. They do not apologize for existing. They laugh without overthinking. They carry emotional lightness. They are soft without fear. And for a woman who has spent years emotionally surviving instead of emotionally living, that kind of freedom can almost feel offensive.
Instead of asking herself, “Why was I deprived of this kind of love and emotional safety?” sometimes the pain gets redirected toward the joyful woman herself. That is where resentment begins. She may start calling her childish, dramatic, immature, too loud, too free, attention-seeking, or “too happy.” Sometimes she may secretly wait for her marriage to fail or search for flaws in her life because accepting that genuine happiness exists becomes emotionally painful when she herself has never experienced it. Sometimes joyful women unintentionally remind emotionally deprived women of the version of themselves they had to bury in order to survive the carefree girl they once were, the softness they lost, the confidence life slowly crushed out of them, and the emotional needs they were taught to silence. And instead of grieving those losses properly, bitterness quietly takes over. That is why some women become uncomfortable around women who are full of life especially free-spirited women whose husbands genuinely support them emotionally. A joyful woman with emotional security radiates something extremely powerful: freedom. And wounded people often struggle around people who embody the freedom they themselves were denied. This does not justify hateful behavior toward joyful women. But it explains where some of that hatred sometimes comes from. Because many times, the woman attacking happiness is secretly mourning the fact that she herself has forgotten what happiness feels like.
And that brings me to free-spirited women. A free-spirited girl is not simply a “carefree” girl like people assume. There is something much deeper about her energy. She is the kind of woman who refuses to let the world harden her completely. She feels things deeply, laughs openly, dreams loudly, and expresses herself without constantly calculating whether people will approve of her or not. She is emotionally alive. You can feel it in the way she talks, the way she dresses, the way she loves, and the way she carries herself. A free-spirited woman does not enjoy living inside invisible cages. She hates being controlled emotionally. She hates pretending to fit in just to make others comfortable. She hates shrinking her personality to appear “ideal.” Not because she wants attention but because authenticity matters more to her than approval.
She is usually the kind of woman who romanticizes small things sunsets, music, flowers, late-night conversations, old songs, rain, meaningful eye contact, books, random road trips, emotional connection, and freedom. She feels life intensely instead of mechanically surviving it. People often misunderstand her confidence. They think she is rebellious, difficult, immature, dramatic, “too modern,” or “too much.” But most free-spirited women are simply deeply connected to their individuality. They do not enjoy performing for society every second of their lives. A free-spirited woman values emotional freedom more than social validation. She wants love, but not control. Commitment, but not imprisonment. Support, but not ownership. And that is exactly why patriarchy struggles with women like her.
Because society is more comfortable with women who suppress themselves quietly. A woman who speaks freely, thinks independently, laughs loudly, sets boundaries, and exists unapologetically threatens systems that were built around controlling women emotionally. A free-spirited woman is also usually deeply emotional. When she loves, she loves wholeheartedly. When she is hurt, she feels deeply. When she is happy, her joy becomes infectious. She carries a childlike spark that refuses to die even after life disappoints her repeatedly. But sadly, women like her are often pressured the most after marriage. People expect her to become less. Less expressive. Less emotional. Less bold. Less free. Less herself.
And if she is lucky enough to have a husband who genuinely supports her instead of suppressing her, she blooms even more beautifully. Because free-spirited women do not need cages to become “good women.” They need emotional safety. A supported free-spirited woman becomes soft without losing her strength, loving without losing her individuality, and emotionally secure because she no longer feels punished for being herself. And honestly, that kind of woman carries a very rare energy. She walks through life carrying freedom in her soul and that naturally intimidates people who were taught their entire lives to live in fear of judgment.
No responses yet